Dating advice from someone who has never dated
I never have tried dating romantically. And yes, I assure you — I am normal.
I have to be honest. The idea of dating and being in a relationship seems a bit far off for someone who is always busy with her academics or her work. Nerdy — that’s probably me when I was still in high school and college. But thanks to introspection, I was able to finally sort out my preferences in life (dating included). Hence, it was not-so-long-ago when I decided to focus on my romantic relationships with people and to try meeting “potential” significant others.
I am not a serial dater but allow me to share my key takeaways from dating.
- Take your time.
After being single for so long, it feels so different to entertain people who openly expresses their fondness and affection for you. It feels super good to be admired and loved but sometimes, it also feels overwhelming.
Getting all the attention and admiration is sometimes too much for someone who’s new in dating. When I am overwhelmed with the dating process, I usually speak about it with the person. Luckily, the person I am dating understands and he gives me space for me to breath and process things. I tell you, do not rush. Take it slowly. The secret to this is to take one baby step at a time.
2. Enjoy the process.
It is exciting to be in the dating stage. It evokes feelings of kilig and an unexplainable feeling of bliss when you do things together.
I am not the type who would go for a romantic dinner date nor for a movie date. I prefer something more adventurous like strolling in an old town and getting lost with someone I am dating or having a roadtrip with him.
Dates need not to be super classic nor expensive for you to be able to enjoy the date per se. I think what makes dating more enjoyable is when both of you share something you enjoy doing. Having a lot of quality time together seems to be an indicator that you’re enjoying this stage.
3. Dating them is akin to knowing yourself more.
The purpose of dates is for you to actually know the person. In dating, you get to know the person on a deeper level. In the process of knowing them, you also get to know a part of yourself in terms of relationships.
When I was dating this very eager guy, I realized a lot of the things I like and dislike in a partner. He was so assertive in asking for selfies and a bit too needy for my time. That kind of assertiveness and neediness, when I barely know him yet, is not doing magic for me. I don’t enjoy spending time with him. It caused me to be more aloof to him. To cut the story short, I bid him goodbye after a few weeks.
Maybe for those neophytes in dating (like me), this new experience of getting to know people more is a good exercise to see how you also see yourself as someone who wants to enter a romantic relationship in the near future. I don’t see myself having a partner who’s super assertive and needy. And this helped me craft my list of non-negotiable.
A message to my co-neophytes in dating
Dating is a whole new experience for us. Don’t rush. Enjoy the process. And get to know more yourself while getting to know them as well. I hope these pieces of advice will help you find the right person. Don’t be afraid. Carpe diem!
